Taking stock- December

This is my first taking stock post...  Still learning. Hope you do enjoy.

Making:  plans for an awesome birthday weekend to come.
Cooking:  lots of food for the weekend.
Drinking:  water but not enough.
Reading:  not much lately. 
Wanting:  to sleep and just relax for a day.
Looking:  forward to my daughter's 3rd birthday on 24th Dec. Christmas blessing and my birthday on 5th Jan... Whoop! Whoop!
Playing:  2048 on the phone. Very addictive.
Deciding:  on the best way forward for myself.
Wishing:  everyone I love could be happy, healthy and wealthy enough, not to struggle.
Enjoying: my new job.
Waiting:  to finally relax fro a while over the Christmas break.
Liking:  the possible adventures to come.
Wondering:  what to buy for my daughter on her birthday.
Loving:  the comments on Jimmy Gait's Hello cover. I love Kenyans.
Pondering: whether I should grow my hair or leave it short.
Buying:  birthday gifts soon.
Watching:  honest trailers and best vines with my bro. (sleepless nights)
Hoping:  that I can finish a shaggy carpet order in time.
Marveling:  at the progress I've made since the beginning of the year.
Cringing:  over some clothes I bought in the past years.
Needing:  lots of hugs and affection lately.
Questioning:  why we have to age and why does time have to go by so quickly.
Smelling:  tasty bites from the kitchen.
Wearing:  Burberry Weekend. Love this scent.
Noticing:  that I'm a perfectionist on some things.
Knowing:  that I should get my finances in order.
Thinking:  that I should save up for a better phone.
Admiring:  the courage that the Muslims had in the Mandera bus attack to stand for the Christians and against the Al Shabaab. May God (Allah) be with you.
Sorting: my thoughts. I really should get a Nothing box.
Bookmarking:  the thought catalog articles.
Coveting:  clarity, peace and happiness.
Disliking:  that the face of my favorite watch, cracked into pieces. I'll get to repairing it.
Opening:  my mind to ideas, thoughts and new possibilities for 2016.
Giggling:  at the tolo tolo video, every time I watch it. This kid is hilarious.
Feeling:  a bit emotional lately
Snacking:  on a lot of peanuts and samosas lately.
Helping:  a friend or at least I try.
Hearing:  lots of Christmas jingles... It's Christmas... Time to eat.
Praying: our neighbor Burundi. A lot of lives being lost. May God be with them.

What do you look for in man?

"Thank you" she said

"For what?" I asked

"For bringing me here for a walk.

It's a really nice place"

"I'm glad to share the walk with you" I gave back.

"Please allow me to say again you look lovely."

I was finally sharing time with her

This warm-smiled lady granted me a date.

"So, what do you look for in a man?" I asked

She giggled. "Correction, I don't look for a man.

The man should find me in my beauty state"

"OK...so, what qualities would you want in a man?" I rephrased

"Well, I'd like him to be passionate about what he does,

Forward looking with engaging conversations,

A listener, speaks his mind, captivating, funny, fun.

I want him to water me with wise words and affection.

I would love if he cares to find me out,

Interested in my thoughts, my opinions.

A man who dines at the table of the Lord yet also romantic.

I want someone mature to build a future with.

Someone who attracts me spiritually, emotionally and physically

With a strong yet gentle heart,

Who takes notes when love is teaching a lesson.

And a man who will give me room and let me love him"

"Wow!!! I see you smiling just giving the answer

I bet you'll make a wonderful wife." I gave my thoughts.

"Thank you, I know I will, all I need is the right man.

What about you? What do you look for in a woman?"

I stopped walking, paused the walk, eyes on her,

"I look for you." I said

"I have found you and I want to make us work.

I am hoping you see in me the man you have described."

POEM BY DAYAN MASINDE

A SINGLE LADY'S PRAYER

She prayed to God saying,

 "Dear lord, bring me a man who loves You like I do.

A man whose heart will not be just after mine,

But ultimately yours. 

Bring me a man who You have been teaching wisdom, 

A man who has been allowing You

To work with him and in him 

As You have been doing with me and in me...

He will have a different testimony than mine

but we will share our faith in You.

Bring me a man who will understand

when I say how good You are my God.

A man that I will worship you together with...

A man who values sex and sees it as something special,

A man who respects the idea of man and woman,

The idea of marriage that You created...

A man who will correct me when I am wrong

and who will let me correct him when he is off.

A man who will encourage me, strengthen me, inspire me

and I in return....

A man who besides using the strength You have given him

will turn to You because You are his anchor and refuge...

A man who will pray for me and with me...

Send me a man whose love will extend beyond him and I.

He will be good to his and my family,

Good to friends, good to strangers...

A man who will turn to You, his Heavenly Father

To teach him fatherhood...

He won't be unfaithful to me,

just as he won't be unfaithful to You.

His loving me will be to Your glory and honor...

A man who I join in Your will to provide...

A man who will be patient with me

But also challenge me to grow...

A man who when I look at and think of

He will remind me of You

Because he is Your gift to me and I to him. 

And as we walk years in love,

Let it be a journey of three-

You at the center holding our hands,

Leading us, nurturing us, teaching us!"

BY DAYAN MASINDE.

A SINGLE MAN'S PRAYER

You know what I'm about to do

God, tomorrow I ask her to be mine

But before I do, I make a request

Teach me how to pray

Teach me how to pray for her

For out of all the women You created

None appeals to me like she does

Teach me how to pray for her

Teach me how to talk to her

And how to listen

Teach me the words to speak

That my love for her may always be at its peak

Teach me to understand

Whenever she cancels a date

Teach me how to smile and make her smile

When life's trials bullies and forces through her gate

Teach me how to ask for forgiveness

Whenever I will wrong her

Teach me how to ask for help and advice

Whenever I'm stuck or about to make a move

Teach me how to be the best man to her

To be the best husband if in Your will, we get married

To our baby, teach me how to parent

Teach me how to be a father

Teach me to do this always

To put and cement my trust in You

God teach me to be a man

Teach me how to pray

POEM BY DAYAN MASINDE

NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT LOVER

Your partner is not perfect, neither are you. 

If your partner was perfect, your partner won't need you; our inadequacies and want make us need each other.

Your partner has weaknesses because love is strength.

Your partner has flaws because love improves.

Your partner has shortcomings because love goes the distance.

Your partner will make mistakes because love corrects and in finding solutions two people become closer.

Too often we look for the end result, we look for perfection, a perfect partner. But love is actually walking with that imperfect partner to the desired end result. If your partner was fully established there would be nothing to build as a couple. Don't look at your partner's imperfections as excuses not to love, but as reasons to love, reasons to be of impact and use. 

Love makes us better, and as you make your partner better, as you refuse to give up on your partner but patiently understand your partner and see love as a continual process to become more; you will notice that even you are becoming a better person - Even you are not perfect, even you have areas that need improvement and you need someone to improve with you, you need someone to improve you.

Stop searching for a partner who is perfect, yet you are not perfect. Even your current greatest areas of success still have room for improvement, as long as you breathe, there's more ahead. Chances to grow.

Instead, search for someone who needs you and will keep needing you, someone who will keep you because you add value, someone who will say, "I am not letting you go because you make me better and I make you better." 

Love is when two imperfect people grow together!

by Dayan Masinde

My letter to you as a young single mother

Dear everyone,

It takes a lot to decide to keep a baby when you are unemployed and still depend on your parents for everything. It takes even larger guts to stride it alone when the person I thought I loved, broke my heart and decide to keep away from me. I fight the hatred within because he promised to love you, no matter what. I fight the terror within because I am afraid I may love the child less. It’s not the choice of giving birth or not but giving her away for adoption, where she can have all that I can’t provide.

After birth, the gifts help me hold the fort before reality sets in; that taking care of her, will need money. He decides to take off and disappear as he sees that life is far much better without baby expenses. I go on with life as if nothing happened. Job searches become more of prayers and in return, regret letters. Whatever cash I get, is a stop for a celebration. Though short, it’s worth the joy.

Many nights I’ve sat alone in the dark, just thinking and praying that something would give way so that I may start providing for her, that I may stand on my own two feet and not depend on anyone. I feel foolish and stupid for having loved too much and given too much too soon. I wonder what I can do for the little angel sleeping by my side, unaware of the war raging inside my heart and head. Tears fall freely because it seems I feel alone and unsure of the next step.

I see her grow every day and every year. Her cheeky smile, playfulness and innocent words and face, make me want to sacrifice the much I can to give her a wonderful home. I do my best to get that cash. At times, I get home late from work and find her already asleep. Kiss her forehead and cheek and whisper in her ear, I love you. I want to spend every minute with her. Every moment too precious to miss but reality is that we need the money. She just has to contend with seeing me in the early evenings or the afternoon weekends after work.

In my free time, my love for her will never fade. Play and run around with her even though I'm tired. Answer all her questions in all the simplest ways I can. Take walks and enjoy the nature. Play dress up and be as a child as I can be. Do doodles and claim that is my name. Watch cartoons and all their reruns. Take funny pictures for the lasting memories.

All in all, I want the best for her… I scream within myself that I want to be the best mother I can ever be.

• To the ‘sperm donor’(I don’t think any other term befits you), the bundle of joy you helped create and abandoned will be the change that you will one day come back to seek when it’s too late. We live and see each day by God’s grace not yours. I pray she grows to forgive you for the choice you made.
• To that specific fellow single mother, who washed me with her insults and humiliation, I say thank you. Thank you for the words, the texts and everything you had to say. It helped me to push much further in life and after that, I don’t think there’s anything insulting that anyone can say that can top yours. I’ve gained a tougher skin and for that, I say thank you.
• To the potential dates I had, thank you too for the experience I got. Some took off and kept silent after knowing I had a child, like I was a leper. Some took advantage and tried to ease their way in through my child. Some took advantage of my will and determination to pick up the shattered pieces and decided to joyride without any fruitful contribution.
• To my employers, former and current, thank you for not asking too many questions about the other parent when I had the employment forms to fill.
• To my friends, thank you for the true colors you showed. Thank you to those who supported me all through and never left my side when my social status changed, from single to new young, single mother. Thank you too, to all those who took off and kept away without a word. You helped me reduce my real friends’ list in the easiest way possible.
• To my family, I thank you for standing by me through everything. I may have brought shame and I would want to do everything in my power to erase it all. Thank you for always being there and being good role models to my child… your niece, nephew or grandchild.
• To my current and future spouse, I say this because I’m not perfect. I fight within myself to be better and not carry this baggage within me. To not feel like a failure or mistake because of the choice I made. Bear with me and love me for whom I am. That is all I ask. Accept me and my child, just as you would your own and take the lead in this family I started. We are in this together.

For once, I’m certain that no matter how hard it gets, my child and I will still survive…

Yours sincerely,

Single Young Mother.

Disclaimer: The letter above is fictional and may relate to any single parent out there having it rough to provide for their child. This is in no way directed or meant to fire any shots at any individual. 

Though if the shoe fits, feel free to wear it.